They Keep Calling Because You Keep Answering

Moving on...that's a very uncomfortable topic for many people. We all know how it goes: you've been dating the same person forever and a day (or maybe even married this person), and on that day, that person decides he or she is no longer in love with you or has had a eyeful or even a tasteful of someone else and you are no longer interesting enough to hold his or her attention. Sound familiar? If not, I'll go further. That person is no longer interested in you and it shows. He's not answering your phone calls much anymore, she's distant, he's cutting the conversations short when you actually do talk, she's always busy and most importantly you're starting to "find things." That could mean all kinds of things, I'll let you all decide what that means to you. You finally wake up one day and realize that it's over, count your losses and leave (or some of you are still laying right next to that person right now, to each his own), now what? Well, you go through the grief cycle of course. The Kubler-Ross models explains it best:

• Denial Stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.
• Anger Stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.
• Bargaining Stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.
• Depression Stage: Final realization of the inevitable.
• Acceptance Stage: Finally finding the way forward.

Somehow, we get stuck somewhere between the denial stage and the bargaining stage.

A week or two goes by, maybe even a month and lo and behold, your phone rings, no need to ask who it is. We all know. What you do at this very moment is critical. So what do you do? Sadly many people take that bait and people like me, have to hear about it constantly. I'm pretty sure this has to be a pride thing. I don't understand why people already know where things are going to go, yet are shocked when they actually find out. Stop feeding into the crap. Then it becomes a habit and all of a sudden you're annoyed because they keep calling you, texting you, facebooking you, etc. Why? Because you make yourself available to them. Easy target. People make fun of easy targets. You attract craziness because in a sense, you like it.

The relationship example is only a small one. We do this in all walks of life. In our friendships, careers, decisions, addictions you name it. We must learn to avoid toxic situations. There's no better way to move on, than to separate yourself from the madness. We all know this, but the problem is letting go. When your life changes for the better, be prepared to lose relationships, friends, and maybe even some family. People move at different paces in life and we can't expect everyone to keep up with us. Some people cannot handle and frankly, are afraid of change and will always stay the same. That's why we find them in the same place, doing the same thing, dressing the same, talking the same, etc. They haven't progressed in anyway. They are comfortable and complacent. You don't have to be the same way. We've all heard the cliche quotes: "You are who you hang with", "birds of a feather flock together", "In order to get something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done," "some people and things are only here for season,". Well there's truth to them all. Change is inevitable, welcome it, don't be afraid of it. Even if it means walking away from someone you've always known and stepping out of your comfort zone. Stop reaching for the leaves and start digging for the root.

From personal experience, if you don't get the life lesson the first time around, you will continue to be tested (in the same exact way) until you get it. So the next time you hear Lauryn Hill's "Ex Factor" think of it in terms of more than a relationship and work on letting it go. What toxic things or people are holding you back?