My Heart is Heavy

I want to start by apologizing. It has been way too long since I've written. It will definitely be short and sweet, but I need to get back into the flow of writing continuously.

Today, I felt led to share with you all that is on my heart and weighing on my spirit. I woke up this morning feeling very inspired and in dire need of a good word. After listening to very inspirational messages on different YouTube channels, I came across a story about one of those pastor's and his premature and very unfortunate demise. No one knows of his true cause of death, but there's lots of speculation. Reading the comments really made me sad. Clearly this man needed help and the congregation sat and watched him sink deeper and deeper until enough was enough (to protect the church, by the way), ultimately leading to his death. Reading this story reminded me, in small ways, of another pastor who's services I've attended multiple times and who I'd grown quite fond of. It eventually came out that he was having affairs with multiple women in his congregation. Now this story didn't blow up or turn into the latest news. His wife, now ex-wife, decided to quietly leave the congregation instead of causing a scene and dramatic situation. I think it's important to mention before I go any further that you have to be very careful of who you let lead you. I have said it once (in my last post back in November) and I will say it again. I also think it is important to remember, that these are people too. They are of the WORLD. They were simply gifted enough to be able to share and speak the word of God to us. We shouldn't expect perfection and we should also help when he is down. I think it's safe to say that the church is a major industry and is a business just as the music and entertainment business. Especially when we get into the mega million dollar entities. Where is the correlation between the two? Well money, power, sex and drugs all go hand in hand. They are all powerful and they all can become addictions.

In my opinion many of us on this earth are currently suffering. There are some demons we are dealing with and they are holding us back from reaching our very best potential. It is something we are not sharing with others, something that is a constant struggle in our day to day lives. If you are having trouble figuring yours out, I will throw some things out there and maybe it'll peak your senses: sex addiction or lack of self control when it comes to sex, a problem with drugs, a problem with food, habitual lying, dysfunctional relationship with money (that's mine), dysfunctional relationship with family, loneliness, misguided and lost, not afraid to die but scared to live, and an on-going hatred of self and I will include major insecurities in this category. I could go on and on, but I will be bold enough to say this is fact and if you don't believe it, then you are in denial. The purpose of all of this is to pose these questions: Why do we not seek help in our times of need? When I say help, I don't mean from friends and family, but I mean professional help. Why do we wait until we've hit rock bottom to get on our knees and pray? Why do we keep so many secrets? Why do we sometimes die and people didn't even know a problem existed? Why do try and take shortcuts instead of going though the whole journey when we actually do step out and seek help? I would say the two reasons would be pride and denial. Going back to the two examples used in the beginning, trying to save face will always lead to destruction.

It takes a big person to admit that he or she has a problem and an even bigger person to seek professional help. I can truly respect a person for caring enough about him or herself to want to make themselves better. That is something to be proud of. That is the first step, but we, as supporters, are supposed to be there to uplift the other, putting our own selfish needs to the side to help them, to encourage them, to be that listening ear and shoulder. Yes, sometimes we have to put ourselves to the side for someone else. It's ok, our world won't end. In fact, we may learn something about ourselves along the way. I hope that this inspires someone today. I can't fathom another story of one of my people spiraling out of control and ultimately dying because they are too weak to do it alone. Don't ever think it can't or won't happen to you.