They Keep Calling Because You Keep Answering

Moving on...that's a very uncomfortable topic for many people. We all know how it goes: you've been dating the same person forever and a day (or maybe even married this person), and on that day, that person decides he or she is no longer in love with you or has had a eyeful or even a tasteful of someone else and you are no longer interesting enough to hold his or her attention. Sound familiar? If not, I'll go further. That person is no longer interested in you and it shows. He's not answering your phone calls much anymore, she's distant, he's cutting the conversations short when you actually do talk, she's always busy and most importantly you're starting to "find things." That could mean all kinds of things, I'll let you all decide what that means to you. You finally wake up one day and realize that it's over, count your losses and leave (or some of you are still laying right next to that person right now, to each his own), now what? Well, you go through the grief cycle of course. The Kubler-Ross models explains it best:

• Denial Stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.
• Anger Stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.
• Bargaining Stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.
• Depression Stage: Final realization of the inevitable.
• Acceptance Stage: Finally finding the way forward.

Somehow, we get stuck somewhere between the denial stage and the bargaining stage.

A week or two goes by, maybe even a month and lo and behold, your phone rings, no need to ask who it is. We all know. What you do at this very moment is critical. So what do you do? Sadly many people take that bait and people like me, have to hear about it constantly. I'm pretty sure this has to be a pride thing. I don't understand why people already know where things are going to go, yet are shocked when they actually find out. Stop feeding into the crap. Then it becomes a habit and all of a sudden you're annoyed because they keep calling you, texting you, facebooking you, etc. Why? Because you make yourself available to them. Easy target. People make fun of easy targets. You attract craziness because in a sense, you like it.

The relationship example is only a small one. We do this in all walks of life. In our friendships, careers, decisions, addictions you name it. We must learn to avoid toxic situations. There's no better way to move on, than to separate yourself from the madness. We all know this, but the problem is letting go. When your life changes for the better, be prepared to lose relationships, friends, and maybe even some family. People move at different paces in life and we can't expect everyone to keep up with us. Some people cannot handle and frankly, are afraid of change and will always stay the same. That's why we find them in the same place, doing the same thing, dressing the same, talking the same, etc. They haven't progressed in anyway. They are comfortable and complacent. You don't have to be the same way. We've all heard the cliche quotes: "You are who you hang with", "birds of a feather flock together", "In order to get something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done," "some people and things are only here for season,". Well there's truth to them all. Change is inevitable, welcome it, don't be afraid of it. Even if it means walking away from someone you've always known and stepping out of your comfort zone. Stop reaching for the leaves and start digging for the root.

From personal experience, if you don't get the life lesson the first time around, you will continue to be tested (in the same exact way) until you get it. So the next time you hear Lauryn Hill's "Ex Factor" think of it in terms of more than a relationship and work on letting it go. What toxic things or people are holding you back?

My Heart is Heavy

I want to start by apologizing. It has been way too long since I've written. It will definitely be short and sweet, but I need to get back into the flow of writing continuously.

Today, I felt led to share with you all that is on my heart and weighing on my spirit. I woke up this morning feeling very inspired and in dire need of a good word. After listening to very inspirational messages on different YouTube channels, I came across a story about one of those pastor's and his premature and very unfortunate demise. No one knows of his true cause of death, but there's lots of speculation. Reading the comments really made me sad. Clearly this man needed help and the congregation sat and watched him sink deeper and deeper until enough was enough (to protect the church, by the way), ultimately leading to his death. Reading this story reminded me, in small ways, of another pastor who's services I've attended multiple times and who I'd grown quite fond of. It eventually came out that he was having affairs with multiple women in his congregation. Now this story didn't blow up or turn into the latest news. His wife, now ex-wife, decided to quietly leave the congregation instead of causing a scene and dramatic situation. I think it's important to mention before I go any further that you have to be very careful of who you let lead you. I have said it once (in my last post back in November) and I will say it again. I also think it is important to remember, that these are people too. They are of the WORLD. They were simply gifted enough to be able to share and speak the word of God to us. We shouldn't expect perfection and we should also help when he is down. I think it's safe to say that the church is a major industry and is a business just as the music and entertainment business. Especially when we get into the mega million dollar entities. Where is the correlation between the two? Well money, power, sex and drugs all go hand in hand. They are all powerful and they all can become addictions.

In my opinion many of us on this earth are currently suffering. There are some demons we are dealing with and they are holding us back from reaching our very best potential. It is something we are not sharing with others, something that is a constant struggle in our day to day lives. If you are having trouble figuring yours out, I will throw some things out there and maybe it'll peak your senses: sex addiction or lack of self control when it comes to sex, a problem with drugs, a problem with food, habitual lying, dysfunctional relationship with money (that's mine), dysfunctional relationship with family, loneliness, misguided and lost, not afraid to die but scared to live, and an on-going hatred of self and I will include major insecurities in this category. I could go on and on, but I will be bold enough to say this is fact and if you don't believe it, then you are in denial. The purpose of all of this is to pose these questions: Why do we not seek help in our times of need? When I say help, I don't mean from friends and family, but I mean professional help. Why do we wait until we've hit rock bottom to get on our knees and pray? Why do we keep so many secrets? Why do we sometimes die and people didn't even know a problem existed? Why do try and take shortcuts instead of going though the whole journey when we actually do step out and seek help? I would say the two reasons would be pride and denial. Going back to the two examples used in the beginning, trying to save face will always lead to destruction.

It takes a big person to admit that he or she has a problem and an even bigger person to seek professional help. I can truly respect a person for caring enough about him or herself to want to make themselves better. That is something to be proud of. That is the first step, but we, as supporters, are supposed to be there to uplift the other, putting our own selfish needs to the side to help them, to encourage them, to be that listening ear and shoulder. Yes, sometimes we have to put ourselves to the side for someone else. It's ok, our world won't end. In fact, we may learn something about ourselves along the way. I hope that this inspires someone today. I can't fathom another story of one of my people spiraling out of control and ultimately dying because they are too weak to do it alone. Don't ever think it can't or won't happen to you.