No Regrets?

http://sincerelybrittny.com/2017/03/03/no-regrets/

New Year, New Everything!

Happy New Year to all, even though it's a bit late.  I just wanted to drop in and say thank you to all who stop by and read from time to time and for those who've supported me as I develop as a writer.  I am pleased to announce the launch of my new site: www.sincerelybrittny.com.  It will be up and ready to go on January 31, 2017.  This will be my last post on this site.  It has been fun, but now it is time to grow.  I look forward to the many exciting things happening for my family this year and I hope you all are focused on bettering yourselves and chasing your dreams as well.  There's no time like now to shine.  Use all of this negative energy surrounding us to motivate you to do better.  Lets support one another in our growth.

I love you all and peace out!

I Miss the Old Me...

I have not been good lately.  Emotionally, I am at a unfamiliar place.  I can remember a time when I used to be so full of light and energy.  My confidence was incomparable, but now, I just don't feel the same.  I have been cooped in the house, not really interested in being social (but forcing myself) and not feeling myself like I used to.  It recently dawned on me that my heart is broken. 

Let me clarify.  My marriage is great, my friendships are great, my life, is all around great.  On the other hand, I, as an individual, am not.  I have been let down so many times in various areas of my life and I never took the time to heal from those disappointments.  Once I took the time to verbalize what I have been feeling, I started to wonder when this started happening.  I know it doesn't matter, but the thinker in me got my wheels turning.   My answer came to me in a dream.  In the dream, I was taken back to a time with a former best friend.  We were laughing and joking as if nothing ever happened, after all, that's how things used to be with us.  Back to reality, I recently ran into some of her family members and I didn't even speak.  It was at this moment when I realized this situation affected me more than I thought, but not for the reason you all would probably think.

To make a long story short, she chose a man over me.  No surprise there right? But that's when things really changed for me.  In addition to choosing to end our friendship, she also left me alone in an apartment with tons of bills to pay.  This of course led to me being broke, struggling, eating noodles every day for a meal (I would be lucky to get more than one meal), and it also left me alone with my thoughts.  There was no one I felt safe confiding in because at this moment, I lost trust and hope in people.  With that being said, my life took a downward spiral.  I was always tired, I was very emotional, and I was also down to about 98 pounds.  Honestly, I summed it up to stress and kept it moving.  Things got so bad that I decided to go back home to Macon, Georgia.  Home is always the place where I feel the most comfortable, even to this day. There's no place that can make me feel more grounded. 

Eventually, I was diagnosed with a disease (hence the weight loss) that was brought on by stress.  It was at that moment that I decided not to allow people to get to me like that.  In choosing to do so, I closed myself off emotionally...to everyone.  Whenever I would try to open myself up, people would just disappointment me, so that wall got taller and stronger.  I even did this to my husband.  We still have disagreements because of how nonchalant I seem and I can admit he's right about that.  I don't feel much of anything these days.  I just don't trust people.  At all.  I have learned that people are selfish.  They only care about themselves and what they have going on.  They couldn't care any less about you.  And frankly, that's the attitude I move with.  Unfortunately, this has left me feeling alone and hurt.  I miss being fun spirited and bubbly.  I miss the carefree spirit I used to possess.  I miss the ability to walk confidently with my head up high and it makes me feel so defeated.  I know life wasn't designed to be this way.  But what do I do? 

I can't fully answer that question right now, but I am choosing to confront it along with whoever I need to confront as well.  My thinking has to change.  I am at a great season in my life and I need to get it all the way back together so I can thoroughly enjoy it.  That smart, beautiful, fun-loving girl I stare at in the mirror deserves it and so do you.

"Friends, How Many of Us Have Them?"

The title is probably less than 1/3 of what this post is really about. But I can't help but think of this song, by Whodini, at a time like this.  What's going on with my beloved, self-proclaimed, 'ultimate Gemini'? For those who don't know, I am speaking of Kanye West.  Realistically, I'm sure I have enough clues to be able to answer that question, but still.  

Out of all of my friends, I am certain I am the biggest Kanye West fan.  I admit, I was late to join the bandwagon, and when I mean late, I mean around the time "Graduation" dropped, but anywho...I joined full force.  I bought the albums and supported him, even on his rants, because, for the most part, I agreed.  But now, he's on another level.  I don't know Kanye West personally, but as a fan who's followed him, it is clear to me that the decline began once his mother passed.  I seriously wonder if he ever really dealt with that.  When I say dealt with that, I mean sought counseling.  I've yet to lose a parent, but I could only imagine the deep pain that would surface in that event.  It was in that moment that I think Kanye West lost his real true friend.

He said it himself in a verse from Jeezy's, "Put On"... "the top so lonely".  I can't imagine going through life without someone being here to check me when I get out of control.  It's actually really sad.  He is acting out like a child who has been hurt. And the pain is obvious.  I think one of the biggest things for me is the fact that his own wife hasn't checked him.  Am I surprised? No. No one should be.  He married a Kardashian.  Everything they do is calculated.  I really wonder how much of a friend she is to him...but that's neither here nor there.  As much as I also love Jay-Z, I am a bit disappointed that he hasn't checked him either.  Jay-Z is a business guru!  Maybe they aren't the best of buds, but he's his mentor, at least to some extent.  Why won't he reach out to him?  We'll never know and really it's none of our business, but when you put your business out there, curious minds like mine are interested in knowing.  Now, this, in no way, shape, or form, takes away from his talent.  That cannot be denied.  He is on genius level when it comes to his craft, but I still feel sad for him.

Yes, Kanye is a Gemini, so am I, and people like to call us crazy, bipolar, wishy-washy, etc. and some of that may be the case at times; however, I think this goes way beyond the surface.  It was only a few years ago where he was upset because Beyonce' didn't win, now he's complaining because she did.  It was years ago that he was ranting about George Bush not liking black people, now he's a Trump supporter.  I can't even keep up myself anymore.  I say all this to say, we will never really know what Kanye truly feels because he throws a tantrum when he doesn't get his way. At the end of the day all money is green and he's going to position himself to where he's at the center of it.  I went to the "Life of Pablo" concert in Atlanta, Georgia and it was amazing (this isn't the type of market to pull stunts, like he did in Cali, on).  But one thing that was obvious about the Atlanta show is that there were just as many, if not more, white people at that concert compared to black ones. You can piece that together how you want. 

In closing, I just want to say love and cherish your friends.  Be that person who isn't afraid to tell them when they've gone off the deep end.  Tell them the truth and support them the whole way through.  I have no where near as much money as these celebrities, but I can only pray that if I ever get it, my friends won't sit there and watch me fall apart, publicly, at that.  Not many of us get to live out our dreams and if we ever get the chance, we should be held up by our loved ones who we can trust to be there through the good, bad, and the ugly.

A Lesson from Marriage

I love being married.  I really do.  I'm not going to lie, at first, I wasn't convinced.  I was not the girl who grew up idolizing brides and praying to be married some day.  Did I see marriage as a good thing? yes, but I didn't see it happening for me and I was perfectly ok with that.  So fast forward to 2014 when my now husband proposed to me.  I wasn't at all surprised because we had talked about it before, but I was still consumed with fear.  I was so nervous, even as I walked down the aisle.  I was literally shaking.  Here I was giving up my entire life to share it with this man.  It is important to note that he and I had gone through a lot during our courting phase.  I mean a lot.  There were days I questioned if I would continue on or not.  But I did and I am happy about my choice.

Lately, I have been frustrated with the misguided comments that I've been seeing floating around social media about meeting the right person at the wrong time.  I don't think this comment is being made with malicious intent, but I need the hopeless romantics to understand why this is a lame excuse.  So much so that I needed to write about it.  Lets get one thing clear, if a person wants to be with you, he or she will be with you no matter what.  I can't see a man or woman who really wants to be with you, just allowing you to walk away and leaving you open for the next person.  Seriously, think about it.  If everything this person is saying is true, then why aren't the necessary steps being taken to get and keep you?

We've all been there.  Giving so much of yourself to another.  Living like you're married and giving up your body in hopes that one day he or she will commit to you exclusively.  Meanwhile, the other person is full of excuses as to why he or she won't commit (you'll notice I'll keep referring to both sexes.  It goes both ways): "I'm just not ready", "I know I could love you one day," "I just need to get my life together," etc...That's really code for I'm not sure if I want to make a commitment to YOU.  Yes, you specifically because how many times have we seen that same person go on to the next person and marry him or her? Catch my drift?  They just don't want to love you, plain and simple.  There is nothing confusing about that. 

Remember in the first paragraph when I mentioned we went through a lot.  When I first started dating my husband, I was living at home with my mom.  After some rough seasons in life, I essentially had to regroup and start over.  My husband was broken.  Sparing you the details, the point is when you want to be with someone, you accept them for who they are in that very moment, regardless of their circumstance.  So when a person uses that as an excuse, that's your red flag.  Just because you get married, doesn't mean the issues go away.  In fact they get worse and are magnified by marriage.  If that person is running now, imagine what he or she is going to do later.  You need to run away from that. Now!  Will it hurt, yes, but it will hurt later when you continue to give up even more of yourself trying to prove you are worthy of that person's love and they leave you for the next person.  That isn't love and it won't ever turn into that. 

Real love, the selfless, sacrificing, ride or die kind, can't be found in a person who can't even be honest and upfront with themselves about the real issue; therefore you can't expect them to be transparent about it with you.  Stop wasting your time and move on. 

A Word for the Weary

Today marks two weeks that my home has pretty much been in turmoil.  We are undergoing some serious changes right now and as many of you may know, change can be very uncomfortable or even painful.  I will spare you all the details, but lets just say there has been a plethora of emotions coming and going and at one point, I thought I was going to lose my mind. Change is inevitable, we all know this, but it can really get the best of us at times especially when we can't see the finish line.  Unfortunately for me, I don't get a lot of time to work through my emotions because I have to be strong for my husband.  As the leader of our household, I respect him and his decisions, so I roll with him.  What I am learning to understand as a wife is how much pressure that is for a man.  It has to be nerve-racking to have the weight of others literally on your shoulders.  We all talk a good game, but having to walk in it is a completely different story.  With this being said, I don't nag him.  I give him the freedom and space to learn and grow while in this position of leadership.  But if I'm being honest, there are times I want to take control; not only of the household, but of my life in general.

I didn't realize I was a control freak until this past week (and I despise control freaks by the way). The fact that I don't know what's going to happen when and where I'll be when it happens drives me crazy.  If any of that is confusing, then join the club.  Life is such a mystery and we're just playing along.  We don't know what will happen from day to day and I am trying to learn to be content with that.  But in order for things and God to work in our lives, we have to move out of the way.  The thought that I may have messed some things up in my life because I was impatient really breaks my heart.  Who knows if I could have been in a completely different place had I just sat still before acting out?  What progress could have been made?  While there is no point in dwelling on the past, there are lessons to be learned moving forward.  Things may not happen when or how I want them to, but I have to accept life for what it is and what it gives.  We must all learn to play with the cards we've been dealt.  True, we are taking a bet on life, but isn't that what life is all about...taking chances, being bold, truly living?  We only get one life.  Though it may have many ups, downs, and twists and turns, it's all about enjoying the ride.  Today I encourage you to just slow down and truly believe that everything is working out for your good and I'll remember to take my own advice.  Don't give up on yourself just yet.  Take a moment or two, cry if you need to and then get back up and continue living.  Really, what do you have to lose?

Millennial, The Third Strike

Let me start by saying the world we live in is a crazy one.  It seems to get even stranger by the day.  The things we as a people become fixated on are so miniscule and ridiculous.  A majority of these things can be altered, but what about the things we cannot change?  It's not enough that I'm black.  That's THE topic of discussion these days.  It always has been, but now it's more prominent than ever. People hate me because of the color of my skin.  That's it.  How ignorant is that?  Next up, I'm a woman.  Do you all realize that there are people out here who will not vote for Hillary Clinton simply because of the fact that she is a woman? This is not a joke people.  While this whole election has been a mockery of humanity, we must face a very real thought; Donald Trump could end up being our next president.  Not because he's here for change, not because he's a great politician who cares about the people, but simply for what is between his legs.  If you think this is far fetched, take a moment to speak to some of these older men, particularly those who are of retirement age and spend their days out on the golf course.  Many of these men just CANNOT (strong, sarcastic emphasis) vote for a woman for anything.  Unfortunately, there are just as many women who feel the same way.   So now, I'm also hated because of the sex I was born as.  To rub salt in the wound, as some of my relatives would say, now I have to deal with being hated because of my age. 

If I hear another thing about "millennials" I think I am going to scream.  It's one thing to be generally concerned about the state of the economy and the mystery that surrounds this group I am apparently a part of, but it's another thing to place us under a microscope as if we are some creatures being dissected in Biology class.  I am over it.  It's just another way to separate and discriminate and the reasoning baffles me.  Some of the craziest things I've read (yes, I actually read) about us are, we're spoiled, entitled, the worst generation, don't know life without cell phones and computers, we didn't know who Prince was and the list of complaints go on and on and on.  And yes, it is just as ridiculous as what you just read.  I probably should throw in my towel anyway, I have 3 strikes against me, and those are just the primary dimensions of diversity, we don't want to get into secondary.  I guess getting rid of us all would make the world a better place, right? I couldn't even type that without chuckling, perhaps that's the narcissism in me.  We should be the least of your worries.  Let me just go on the record and say, we're only doing what our "Baby Boomer" (I guess I should mention I'm on the older end of the millennials) parents taught us to do.  Go to school and get an education because no one can take that away from you, be better than we were, be strong, love one another and you'll prosper!  That's what society told them was the right thing to do.  We do that and then get criticized for it.  Many of us weren't taught to hate like many of the previous generations were.  But I can tell you hate always has the most damning influence.  I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth.  I wasn't given anything but food to eat, a roof, bed, and a dream.  I  was taught to work hard for everything and that life wasn't going to be easy for me because of strike 1 and 2.  I don't think my mother could've imagined that the year I was born was going to end up being another hindrance to my American Dream, oh I forgot, being a dreamer is frowned upon and is something only the millennial brats do.  It's one thing to have your opinions about us, we all are entitled to that, but the problem I have is when I start being treated differently because of it, which is something I have started to experience more and more on my career journey. 

The next time you're struggling with why you aren't able to find talented people who are ready and willing to work, with keeping talented employees, or even with selling your products to us, perhaps you should do a self check to determine if you are in fact allowing your personal opinions about a person's age group affect how you are treating him or her and how you are acting.  A lot of behaviors are learned and the media does a great job with influencing our minds; therefore, you may not even notice you're doing it.  Millennials are able to hold an educated conversation outside of mobile devices, so if you have such a desire to know this group of people better, why not get a panel of us together and just talk to us.  Take the time to learn and educate yourself instead of placing stereotypes on us and literally running with it.  But, I'm just a millennial, what do I know?

What Freedom Looks Like...

I am finally starting to calm down enough to really listen and take in all the things that have been going on lately.  I went through many different emotions last week, but I am inspired.  Even in my moment of inspiration, there are still some disappointments.  There are some pertinent people we still haven't heard from on the matter of black lives, police brutality, and our safety and security as a whole.  It's really interesting to me how we can spend so much time being concerned about other countries, but black people, have you all given any thought to the fact that we could end up being the next group of refugees? Just something to ponder. I am still waiting patiently for our presidential hopefuls to speak up.  They've been mighty quiet...and no, a simple tweet or Facebook post is not going to do.

"If you have a critique for the resistance, for our resistance, then you better have an established record of critique of our oppression. If you have no interest in equal rights for black people then do not make suggestions to those who do. Sit down." -Jesse Williams


I realize everyone isn't about this life and that's fine, however, don't discourage your friends or family members by trying to impose your fears unto them because you are too afraid of being left behind.  If you can't hang with the big dogs, get off the porch.  If you're just going to hang around the porch, then shut up and make yourself useful.  For those of you who still don't believe it has anything to do with race, then please explain the difference between these videos we've seen lately and the one with the white guy pretty much beating up the police in McDonald's.  Research it yourself, I am not going to post it here.  But if anyone can explain why he was handled differently, outside of the color of his skin, then perhaps I'll give another opinion some consideration.  If you, as a police officer, are afraid of black people, then perhaps you chose the wrong career field. 

Be blessed and stay safe!

Angry Black Woman!

For the second morning in a row, I have been awakened by a plethora of texts discussing police shootings.  I am over it.  I took a moment to listen to  Jesse Williams' speech from the BET Awards again and the more and more I listen to it, the stronger this little pit in my stomach gets.  There was a time when I'd feel myself getting all worked up about the police and I'd take a few moments and watch "End of Watch."  Very profound movie that really gives the viewer a peak from the other side, but again, I am over it.  How long is this going to continue?  As far as the shooting of Alton Sterling, the black man shot in Baton Rouge for those of you who don't read and like to avoid the obvious, it strikes an eerily similar feeling as the Rodney King beating.  Only this time, the man is dead.  I can only imagine what's going to come next. 

These moments make me wonder if Martin Luther King Jr, Malcom X, and even Tupac, were still alive, what would they have to say at this very moment.  America is becoming more interesting, for lack of a better term, by the day.  But realistically, until we show this same uproar and passion within our communities, they're going to continue to hunt us down and prey on us.  I want to see this same anger when we turn against our own.  We have to stand together.  Black people- GET IT TOGETHER! Now, not later. We cannot afford to wait.  Your husbands, sons, brothers, etc. are being used for targeting practice! Wtf are you doing? Taking selfies and sending eggplant pics?

To my black men, I really hope you all get it now, (check my last post).  While many of you are out here worried about jewelry, cars, and which woman you can smash and/or disrespect today, you are being killed off slowly.  You are an endangered species and if you don't get it together quickly, you are going to be extinct.  Y'all better wake the hell up! Stop being so distracted by miniscule things that don't matter.  Here is your chance to really take a stand against something.  What are you going to do?  Are you awake or still sleeping?

I'm going to go ahead and end this, but I want to leave this little gem right here:

https://youtu.be/6F4Or0pRQ3Y

Just copy and paste into your web browser and let it sink ALL the way in.

I Really Wish Men Knew Their Self-Worth

As I sit here, I am thinking about one of my best friends who is going through a tough break up.  She never thought she would fall in love like she had with him.  In her eyes, every thing was going fine until she discovered enough information to cause a life time of pain.  There was a plethora of women he had been entertaining over several months. She was and still is devastated.  It's crazy, but this happens so often that it's starting to become acceptable behavior.  Men cheat. What else is new? That's the common consensus these days but what I am having a hard time understanding isn't necessarily the act of cheating, but the reason some men think so low of themselves that they don't think they deserve to be loved- the right way by, the right woman. 

From childhood, women are taught to nurture, to keep things clean.  In a nutshell, we're taught to take care of ourselves and others.  Men, on the other hand, are taught to be tough and suppress their feelings.  So women eventually grow up to be "do it alls" and men, "know it alls."  Right now is a great time for women, especially black women.  It's really exciting to see so many women in leadership roles and standing up for what is right.  Men are becoming more and more ok with the status quo and following what society thinks men should do, including downgrading the woman's worth.  It is so disgusting to see how men treat women today, but it makes one question the real issue.  What's the real problem?

We are in a season now where women are very empowered and the men are just there loathing the sisterhood.  Why aren't we building our men up just as much?  Let me clarify, when I say build men up, I'm not talking about an ego boost (that's a way we mask our hurt, by the way).  I mean in every way, including not allowing them to get away with foolishness, letting them know they deserve better for themselves, and that they are worthy of good things in their lives.  Some of the actions of men today show they don't love themselves.  As women, we know what this looks and feels like all too well.  The constant sleeping around, impregnating multiple women, the excessive drug use, etc etc... It's really nasty when you think about.  Sliding your manhood around from woman to woman with no protection.  Why don't men think more of themselves to protect themselves and their bodies from harm?  That's a serious question.  Why do some men think that this lifestyle is okay and they don't deserve better? 

Men, you are supposed to be our leaders.  I'm sure women will be willing to follow a man who is honest in his words and backs it up with action.  But we're left to do it ourselves because men are too busy reveling in hate to stand up and do something about  it.  Not for anyone else, but for himself because he loves himself.  Men you are worthy, you are handsome, you are smart.  Start believing it.  Stand in the mirror and take a real hard look at yourself.  It's time to start stepping up.  Find out where the true issue lies and work on fixing it.  Is it a problem with your mother?  Your father? Some girl broke your heart as a teenager?  Fix it.  There is nothing wrong with getting the help you need to feel whole.  Love yourself more.  Continuing to hate the woman is not going to make you any more of a man, trust me.  You will continue to get left further and further behind in this world and frankly, we need you. 

Why I Stopped Blogging...And Why I Am Back

Wow...It has been such a long time since I've blogged.  I had a great momentum going and thoroughly enjoyed sharing a piece of me with a portion of the world.  I am anxious and excited to start back.  So many things have changed in my life since 2012.  I moved, got married, lost a job, quit a job, celebrated a milestone birthday, got healthy, got back in school (FINALLY), lost some loved ones, gained some new friends, and no, no babies yet (lets go on and get that out the way)! The real reason I stopped blogging is because I allowed someone else's opinions of my content to deter me from writing period.  I literally haven't written a thing.  Everything has been jumbled up in my brain.  Honestly, it's time to let it out before I explode.  Most people who know me personally, would probably wonder how I allowed a person to get to me like that.  I am here say even a person with the thickest of skins has a trigger.  Writing is mine (cue the line 'keep in mind I'm an artist and I'm sensitive about my shit' line from THE Erykah Badu song Tyrone).  As painful as that is to admit, it was also very humbling.  I have grown tremendously in these past years and never have I ever been so proud of who I am and what I have done in life thus far.  I am seriously so in love with me.  I am ready to continue to develop in my writing as I know this was the gift given to me.  Writing cleanses my soul and spirit.  It is literally like a release for me.  Imagine all the pressure that has been building up for these past few years.  Time to dump it all out on you guys.  So if you are interested in a southern black woman and her rants, then please join in on this journey with me.  There will be a plethora of topics and thoughts.  I have interests that stretch from ratchet guilty pleasures to things that are far beyond our mental capacity.  Roll with me.  I am back!

Who Will Protect the Men and Children?

It all started about a week ago when I received some information on how to get convictions overturned. I started thinking about all the people I know personally who need and deserve a second chance at life. I personally feel that black men have got to be more aware of the decisions that make and how it directly affects them and anyone else they want in their lives and futures. This thought led me to do a little research.

My website of choice was for the Georgia Department of Corrections (dcor.com). I decided to do a search of how many black men between the ages of 20-30 were in jail and what the crime was. I found that a majority of them were in jail for burglary, armed robbery, and other crimes that involve theft. Now personally, this angered me. My first thought was these lazy men don't want to work and earn money so they can afford to buy the things they want, instead they just take from innocent people. Though this statement is very true for some, I figured this can't be true for all. Unfortunately, I may never get to see how true that statement is. What I have realized though, is when these men finally want to get their lives together, they can't find work. We know what happens next: they result back to stealing. It's a cycle. Men, you've got to recognize this and act accordingly because the state of Georgia is NOT on your side.

Now, lets turn to the women. No, women, you are not exempt. But we pity the poor, helpless, woman don't we? Let me fill you in on this information that actually shocked me. I did another search, this time on women just in my county that were in jail. That turned up only 3 pages. That made me a little hopeful. Then I started looking at the things they were in jail for. I found murder to be quite common for the women. I then searched for all women in Georgia who were in jail for murder. This turned up about 9 pages. I wanted to know these women's stories. Let it be known that all of this stuff is public information and if you want to find something, you can (words of wisdom). To my surprise, a majority of these women who were in jail for murder, were in there for murdering their children. Yes, children. Yes, I know many of you were probably thinking husbands and boyfriends just as I did. They were at a close second, but that fact that it was children startled and disgusted me. It's also important to note that this was across all races. I admit, I never would have became interested in this subject matter if I didn't know someone who is personally going through some issues right now and him being a guy, could ultimately hurt him.

Many of the stories of women killing their children led to many questions on my end and sadly many testimonies from family members of these children all said similar things: we begged the Department of Family and Children's Services to do something, we begged them to help these people, but they never did and now this child is dead. A very sad realization. Did you all know that for a woman to be considered an unfit mother, she has to "mess up" at least 5 times? What if that "mess up" is the time that child's life ends? I can't fathom how these things happen. As hurtful or offensive as this may sound, I don't believe or condone the whole "mental issues" or "psychotic" type thing. You weren't too "crazy" to lay down and have a child were you? I realize that there are some instances where a woman is forced into having a child, but come on. The fact that this is so common really scares me. We have got to do something to protect the children and also save the rights of the dads that are really eager and able to be a part of their child's life. It isn't fair or right that a child be turned over to the mother is the mother cannot get her own life together, especially when there is proof and testimony of such. What are we really saying by doing this? It's a truth we all need to start discussing and exploring.

To the State of Georgia, I challenge you to adjust laws that are favorable towards women just because they are women and for other unfair reasons. Looks like too many have slipped through the cracks. What do you all think of this?



**NOTE: If any of you or someone you know in Georgia want to explore ways to get convictions overturned, feel free to message me or email me at brittnynj03@yahoo.com. Serious inquiries only.

They Keep Calling Because You Keep Answering

Moving on...that's a very uncomfortable topic for many people. We all know how it goes: you've been dating the same person forever and a day (or maybe even married this person), and on that day, that person decides he or she is no longer in love with you or has had a eyeful or even a tasteful of someone else and you are no longer interesting enough to hold his or her attention. Sound familiar? If not, I'll go further. That person is no longer interested in you and it shows. He's not answering your phone calls much anymore, she's distant, he's cutting the conversations short when you actually do talk, she's always busy and most importantly you're starting to "find things." That could mean all kinds of things, I'll let you all decide what that means to you. You finally wake up one day and realize that it's over, count your losses and leave (or some of you are still laying right next to that person right now, to each his own), now what? Well, you go through the grief cycle of course. The Kubler-Ross models explains it best:

• Denial Stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.
• Anger Stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.
• Bargaining Stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.
• Depression Stage: Final realization of the inevitable.
• Acceptance Stage: Finally finding the way forward.

Somehow, we get stuck somewhere between the denial stage and the bargaining stage.

A week or two goes by, maybe even a month and lo and behold, your phone rings, no need to ask who it is. We all know. What you do at this very moment is critical. So what do you do? Sadly many people take that bait and people like me, have to hear about it constantly. I'm pretty sure this has to be a pride thing. I don't understand why people already know where things are going to go, yet are shocked when they actually find out. Stop feeding into the crap. Then it becomes a habit and all of a sudden you're annoyed because they keep calling you, texting you, facebooking you, etc. Why? Because you make yourself available to them. Easy target. People make fun of easy targets. You attract craziness because in a sense, you like it.

The relationship example is only a small one. We do this in all walks of life. In our friendships, careers, decisions, addictions you name it. We must learn to avoid toxic situations. There's no better way to move on, than to separate yourself from the madness. We all know this, but the problem is letting go. When your life changes for the better, be prepared to lose relationships, friends, and maybe even some family. People move at different paces in life and we can't expect everyone to keep up with us. Some people cannot handle and frankly, are afraid of change and will always stay the same. That's why we find them in the same place, doing the same thing, dressing the same, talking the same, etc. They haven't progressed in anyway. They are comfortable and complacent. You don't have to be the same way. We've all heard the cliche quotes: "You are who you hang with", "birds of a feather flock together", "In order to get something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done," "some people and things are only here for season,". Well there's truth to them all. Change is inevitable, welcome it, don't be afraid of it. Even if it means walking away from someone you've always known and stepping out of your comfort zone. Stop reaching for the leaves and start digging for the root.

From personal experience, if you don't get the life lesson the first time around, you will continue to be tested (in the same exact way) until you get it. So the next time you hear Lauryn Hill's "Ex Factor" think of it in terms of more than a relationship and work on letting it go. What toxic things or people are holding you back?

My Heart is Heavy

I want to start by apologizing. It has been way too long since I've written. It will definitely be short and sweet, but I need to get back into the flow of writing continuously.

Today, I felt led to share with you all that is on my heart and weighing on my spirit. I woke up this morning feeling very inspired and in dire need of a good word. After listening to very inspirational messages on different YouTube channels, I came across a story about one of those pastor's and his premature and very unfortunate demise. No one knows of his true cause of death, but there's lots of speculation. Reading the comments really made me sad. Clearly this man needed help and the congregation sat and watched him sink deeper and deeper until enough was enough (to protect the church, by the way), ultimately leading to his death. Reading this story reminded me, in small ways, of another pastor who's services I've attended multiple times and who I'd grown quite fond of. It eventually came out that he was having affairs with multiple women in his congregation. Now this story didn't blow up or turn into the latest news. His wife, now ex-wife, decided to quietly leave the congregation instead of causing a scene and dramatic situation. I think it's important to mention before I go any further that you have to be very careful of who you let lead you. I have said it once (in my last post back in November) and I will say it again. I also think it is important to remember, that these are people too. They are of the WORLD. They were simply gifted enough to be able to share and speak the word of God to us. We shouldn't expect perfection and we should also help when he is down. I think it's safe to say that the church is a major industry and is a business just as the music and entertainment business. Especially when we get into the mega million dollar entities. Where is the correlation between the two? Well money, power, sex and drugs all go hand in hand. They are all powerful and they all can become addictions.

In my opinion many of us on this earth are currently suffering. There are some demons we are dealing with and they are holding us back from reaching our very best potential. It is something we are not sharing with others, something that is a constant struggle in our day to day lives. If you are having trouble figuring yours out, I will throw some things out there and maybe it'll peak your senses: sex addiction or lack of self control when it comes to sex, a problem with drugs, a problem with food, habitual lying, dysfunctional relationship with money (that's mine), dysfunctional relationship with family, loneliness, misguided and lost, not afraid to die but scared to live, and an on-going hatred of self and I will include major insecurities in this category. I could go on and on, but I will be bold enough to say this is fact and if you don't believe it, then you are in denial. The purpose of all of this is to pose these questions: Why do we not seek help in our times of need? When I say help, I don't mean from friends and family, but I mean professional help. Why do we wait until we've hit rock bottom to get on our knees and pray? Why do we keep so many secrets? Why do we sometimes die and people didn't even know a problem existed? Why do try and take shortcuts instead of going though the whole journey when we actually do step out and seek help? I would say the two reasons would be pride and denial. Going back to the two examples used in the beginning, trying to save face will always lead to destruction.

It takes a big person to admit that he or she has a problem and an even bigger person to seek professional help. I can truly respect a person for caring enough about him or herself to want to make themselves better. That is something to be proud of. That is the first step, but we, as supporters, are supposed to be there to uplift the other, putting our own selfish needs to the side to help them, to encourage them, to be that listening ear and shoulder. Yes, sometimes we have to put ourselves to the side for someone else. It's ok, our world won't end. In fact, we may learn something about ourselves along the way. I hope that this inspires someone today. I can't fathom another story of one of my people spiraling out of control and ultimately dying because they are too weak to do it alone. Don't ever think it can't or won't happen to you.

Let's Talk God: Religious or Spiritual

Let me start by apologizing for the delay. There have been so many changes going on in my life, some good and some not so great, but I am definitely grateful for all the things going on and I can only hope that God sees fit to continue to bless me. I've been wanting to write about this topic for a long time, but wasn't quite sure where to start. I have a feeling this is really going to step on some toes and probably offend some, but this is what my truth is. I encourage everyone to find their own truth and not follow the truths of their friends and family.
I have been attending the same church as far back as I can remember. I grew up there, was baptized there and continue to go there even into my adult years. It is a Baptist church, with traditional Baptist values and has had the exact same program and routine since I was a child. Sunday School every Sunday, early morning service the 2nd and 4th Sunday and Bible study throughout the week. I have to chuckle a bit about that because I have to be the most anti-routine person there is. There, it almost seems as if people my age don't have a voice or an opportunity to get involved in anything in the church because the older people are in charge of everything. That's the way it's always been, so that's the way it will continue to be. It's their way or no way at all. Lets just face it, our beliefs and practices are passed down from generation to generation. A lot of us aren't open to learning anything new or at least researching our own faith to see where these beliefs come from. The older I got and especially after I entered college, I was yearning for information, knowledge, and just something different. I started questioning many things and yes, my Baptist upbringing was one of them.

One of the major questions I had and still have, is why are there so many different denominations if we all, in the Christian faith, are supposed to be serving the same God? I eventually got somewhat of an answer about this, but I'll let everyone else research that one themselves. I also questioned the ways that seems to be so prominent in the Christian faith. I'm a upstanding Christian today and I'm cursing somebody out the next. It's just crazy and all the gibberish eventually took a toll on me and the strength of my Baptist roots. In college I started attending a non denominational church that I absolutely loved. It was lively, upbeat, and really appealed to my age group, which at the time was probably from 18-25. I thoroughly enjoyed the singing and the sermons; however, the gossip and the mess that was going on in the church, eventually became to much to bear. It was ridiculous. I spent a lot of time feeling like I didn't have a "religious home." It didn't take me long to realize that I'm not a religious person. I'm just way to inquisitive to follow suit of what everyone is doing for the sake of doing it.

I set out on a journey to learn everything I could about the history of the Christian faith and the roots of the traditions. I started reading the Bible (New International Version) everyday, starting from Genesis. Keeping a dictionary handy so I could get the full meaning of the words. I was so amazed at some of the things it said. Bible verses I had heard millions of times, that had been interpreted by hundreds of different people, all of a sudden had different meaning to me. It was almost as if God led me to do this from the beginning. We tend to pick out verses that stand out, but those verses have different meaning when you take the time to read the entire book. In simpler terms; why trust someone else's interpretation of the Word, without first reading it yourself. Don't let people lead you to hell, even pastors. Keep in mind these people are just human. I've seen these same "church going folk", as I like to call them, have abortions, cheat on their spouses, take your last dime, and spread hate. Be carfeul who you let lead you religiously.

I have learned to find and build my own relationship with God. I worship Him in ways that make me feel comfortable and not by how others say I should do it. I can have a whole church service right here in my house. At this point in my life, the bond is so tight, the devil himself can't break it, and neither can any of you. I am so secure in my faith and spirituality. I don't have to question anything and I'm not in a constant battle with myself over the choices that I make. God is not going to strike me down for making a wrong decision. So it's safe to say that you aren't going to find me at church everyday of the week, sorry, that's just not me. If that's you, by all means, continue to do what makes you happy. Just please make sure that it's for the right reasons. God is in your heart. Going to church everyday and joining every ministry in the church, is still not going to satisfy you if He isn't in your heart.

I want to end this with a word of advice for my "church-going folk." There is nothing wrong with this nor am I trying to belittle or make fun of you. That is not my intent. I do have a friend who is overboard with it and finds herself struggling with it every day, so it makes it comical to me a little bit, but it's not meant to to poke fun. We all know the verse "Faith without works is dead" -James 2:17. It's been said many, many times. But let me give you a little bit of my interpretation of this verse. It's one thing to have faith and stand firm in your beliefs, but if you do nothing, you can expect nothing to happen. True blessings come through mainly doing good deeds for others. There are many who are sitting aroung waiting for God to save them, to send them a man, and to give them peace. Praying endlessly for a way out. Sorry to inform you, you will be waiting forever. My question to you is what are you doing to save yourself? Going to church everyday, joining every ministry, declaring yourself pure, is not enough. What is the last good deed you did for someone else other than yourself for no reason at all? This is the perfect time people.

Money Talks, Wealth Whispers

There's something to be said about the fact that the gap between the wealthy and the poor is getting larger by the day. Even larger is the gap between the wealth in the black community and the wealth in the white communities. I read an article in Essence magazine a few months ago and the statistics were "in 2009, the median net worth of Black households was $2,200, compared with a median net worth of $97,900 for White households. In 2001, the median net worth for a Black household was $12,500, and $124,600 for a white ones," (Lynnette Khalfani-Cox, 86).  I thought this was insane, but I think I understand why this is so.
Many of us grew up in homes with a lack of wealth. Where our parents had to work extremely hard for the money they brought in. This taught us the value of work ethic and the importance of learning how to earn, but I know with me, I always assumed we all would have to work hard for the rest of our lives just to live comfortably enough to barely make it. I didn't see the point. A lot of our parents also made the mistake of looking at credit as "free money", not really realizing that by charging things you truly can't afford, you actually end up paying more for it. Honestly, a lot of them were and still are in a financial disaster and unfortunately, a lot of us have inherited this same mentality from our parents and are already instilling these same issues into our children. It's generational; instead of inheriting family businesses, property, and other assets, we're inheriting financial struggle, debt, and ruin. Sadly, this is an issue that has been negatively affecting our communities for decades and now with this recession, it's even worse. Not to mention, it's breaking up our homes and marriages.
I didn't really start connecting the pieces until I took my first finance class in college. Yes, college, which I believe is too late to start learning about wealth. After that class I literally wanted to call everyone I knew and share with them what I had learned in that class. She taught us all about how the value of money will decline and how important it is to save. She broke down how much needed to be saved in order to retire a millionaire, by how much we had saved already, which, for most of the black people in the class, was slim to none. She also expressed the importance of knowing where your money is going, which created a monster in me. People still laugh at me about how adamant I am about balancing my checkbook. When it comes to money, I don't play, in which I wish more of my people would develop that same mindset. I write down every single purchase I make and I save receipts. I don't care about the laughs because ultimately, this is something I take very seriously and I refuse to keep the cycle going. Just think about it like this; the only way to truly get blessings and feel pure accomplishment and significance is to be able to give back. I love giving back and it honestly makes me happy and makes me feel at peace. How can I be able to create blessings for myself if I am broke? I'm not the "gold digging" type. I've always provided my own, so I must maintain this level of independence. We are responsible for our own come up.
The first thing I think is important to know is the difference between having money and being wealthy. Mrs. Amy DuBois Barnett put it perfectly by saying, "we seek the instant gratification of money when we should be seeking wealth and it's long term benefits. Money is the diamond-encrusted watch flashing on the wrist of someone who rents his home, leases her fresh-off-the-line car, and has no savings. Wealth is the ability to contribute to your retirement fund, own a home with monthly payments you can afford, donate to charity and send your kids to the best schools possible to ensure their future success. Money is fun-but wealth is forever." I couldn't have put this better and after reading it, I smiled. This is the path I look to take and I am beginning today! Being that I am in my mid 20s, there is still time for me to correct past wrongs and secure a bright financial future for myself. My advice to others would be to first, get steady income and invest in a good business suit. I know the job market is slim, but you can't do anything by sitting on your butt, apply, apply, apply and make sure you look the part (you must dress like the position you want, you want to be a boss, dress like one and carry yourself accordingly). I also encourage picking up a new hobby. Focus on what you're good at and work on perfecting your craft. You may be able to use this to your advantage and create a profit. Next, clear up debt or at least make steady payments on it. Pay as much as you can, no matter how small of the amount. At least this will show that you are trying to get back on the correct path financially. Next, save save save or what I like to call paying myself first! At least a little bit a month. I choose a larger amount twice a month. Do what you can afford to do.
Lastly, invest! I am taking the steps now to learn how to invest because I am clueless about it all. I want my money to make me money and in turn create wealth for myself. I promise you this, me and my family will NOT struggle. I am taking the aggressive approach and once again I encourage all of my peers to join me in this way of thinking.
I want to end this with some encouragement and hopefully this lights the fire in you. When I was around 19 or 20, I started to think about where I wanted to end up permanently; where I wanted to start a family and raise my children. Then, I came up with the Washington, DC area (not necessarily the city itself). Why, I don't know. Just seemed like a nice place to live. I had been there before as a child and that was the only trip from my childhood that I remember vividly, even over Disney World. Now, this is something I've never really shared with anyone: the DC, Maryland, Virginia area makes up a high percentage of predominantly black neighborhoods who account for a good percentage of wealth. There are 8 cities in Maryland that all rank high for the wealthiest African Americans. What does this have to do with anything? I want to obtain wealth; therefore, I see it fit to surround myself with people who want the same thing. I want to learn their habits, their mannerisms, their ways of thinking. We can't expect to be great, if we don't surround ourselves with greatness. I want these things to manifest in me and in turn, build me up. Thanks for reading and DC, I'll be back soon!

Dress for Success!

"Life is long, you probably won't get hit by a bus, and you have to live with the decisions you make for the next 50 years"

This line came from Chris Rock in the super funny movie, "I Think I love My Wife," and this line keeps replaying in my head over and over again. I'm currently sitting at my desk at work bored out of my mind. I'm bored with this job and with life in general. I keep thinking, life can't possibly be about getting up every day, going to work just to pay the bills, and waking up the next morning just to do the same thing over again. Frankly, this is insanity. I can't imagine my days going like this every day for the next 40 years. Are you kidding me? I'm also reminded of a quote from Tyrese; "If you don't follow your dreams, you're going to be waking up every morning at 6AM going to work for someone who did." The last few weeks I've been in seclusion. Just trying to concoct an escape plan. My mom thinks I'm crazy, but one thing I have learned from all this is money cannot buy you happiness or piece of mind. I know broke won't buy you anything, but money isn't enough of a motivator for me anymore. In fact, I find myself buying things just to justify the fact that I wake up to go work for someone else who couldn't care any less if I lived or died. My latest piece of retail therapy; a diamond ring. Why? Just because. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do as far as mentoring and helping people get into school and change their lives. I wear a ton of different hats and truthfully, I love the feeling. But, I have a bigger vision on a larger scale, that doesn't confine me within four walls, telling me what to wear, and how long I get to be here today. My joy and happiness truly comes from helping people and giving back to my community; therefore, I will use my gifts to change lives. I constantly remind my mom of the difference between her generation and ours. Our parents, no matter what, would stay in an unhappy job, marriage, friendship, etc, for however long they needed to be. In my opinion, life shouldn't have to be this way and I'm sure this isn't what God intended for His children. We, on the other hand, are a lot more impulsive and fearless. We will leave before it even starts and that's what I admire about being young these days. It's just we have to master how to use this energy in a positive way. Going back to the infamous title, life really is long. We are living to be in the 100s. It's a lot more common these days than years earlier. The odds of having a freak accident are slim to none and the choices we make today directly affect where we end up in the future. Unfortunately, it's too late for a lot of people. Today, I am making the conscious effort and decision to plan better for my future and follow my dreams. I encourage all readers to do the same. We get one chance at life, may as well enjoy while we are here. The first step in setting yourself free is becoming financially secure and stable. I'll speak on this more in depth later. Thanks for reading and make that step towards your future today.

Did You Care About Cancer Before Your Mother Got It?

I couldn't find a more perfect time to write this. Breast cancer awareness month and also in the midst of a time where my ex-boyfriend is receiving his kidney transplant after a seven year battle with a kidney disease and dialysis. This post is more so to make a point. The main thing I want everyone to get out of this is the fact that we should pray at all times, even when things are going well, instead of in times of dire need. Going back to the recent execution of Troy Davis, which was my inspiration for this post, I feel this needs to be addressed. There were people constantly saying "oh you're jumping on a bandwagon" and "how many of you all knew about Troy Davis before this trial became popular in recent months?" I guess this was said to prove someone else's comments as irrelevant, I'm not sure. This led me to pose the question of how many of you cared about cancer before someone you knew fell victim to it? Be careful what you say and make sure your motive and intentions are out of love and not maliciousness. Having known many people throughout my life who have fallen victim to various life threatening diseases and life altering injustices, I have a very strong opinion about all of these matters. Nothing gets under my skin more than people flapping their gums about how other people should feel. Newsflash: the only approval anyone should be trying to get is from God because ultimately, He's the one who is really paying attention to your thoughts and actions. And frankly, He's all anyone needs to try and please. We need to learn to be grateful and appreciate the lives we have now. Be thankful for the laughs, fun times, and the blessings you've been given. At any moment they all can be taken away. Today, take time out to empathize with someone who may be suffering, lend a helping hand, and offer some sound advice. We should all strive to show love and support to the people you love regardless of if you feel they need it or not. Tell someone you love them today, you could lose them tomorrow. Besides, you never know when your time may be coming.

The Devil is Busy Rant

As I sit back and watch all the things happening around me I can't help but shake my head. The violence is outrageous, the lack of goals and dreams is on the decline, and the saddest thing of it all is the rate in which our marriages and families are being torn apart. It's funny because a coworker of mine said just last week that "the greatest libido of them all is financial stability." He couldn't have been more right. God said the greatest of all is love and now that's the least of our worries. It's sad to know that a lot of us are so weak, timid, and afraid that we're allowing the devil to take over our own lives: the ones WE have to live and work hard at keeping. This wasn't what God envisioned for us, but he already knew we'd be disobedient and this, in turn, would lead to our demise. I always think to myself, we could be right at the pearly gates of Heaven and God, himself, can tell us the truth and the blueprint of how to get to where we need to be in life and people would still choose to do the opposite. I can't understand this for the life of me, but then, it's really not for me to understand. Lets take a look at the violence. I don't know what else to feel but pity on these poor, young people who have nothing better to do with their own lives, but to take someone else's. That has to be one difficult way to live. They never had anyone to instill in them the value of having goals, dreams, and most importantly getting away from where they are from and visiting other places and learning about other cultures. Their parents are even more lost than they are and unfortunately we have to deal with the consequences of their wayward children. I'd like to see more parents take responsibility for their children. I say we lock them up too and send their kids off to Iraq and Afghanistan. They can go out there and shoot all they want to. Maybe I'm being harsh, I don't know, but this legal system  is jacked up and we all know it. A crack dealer can spend more time in jail than a murderer. It's crazy. Then, on the devil's advocate side I see the man who has a wife and children, gets laid off, and can no longer provide for his family. I couldn't imagine how less of a man that would make him feel. What is he supposed to do to feed his family? (Because we know the government isn't going to help him). I pray to God that He provides the answers, but honestly, I think He's about ready to scratch this whole plan. The devil has clearly taken over and in a sense, he controls the minds of many right now. The good are outnumbered by the evil. Lastly, I want to touch on marriages, particularly black ones, or lack there of. I look in the newspaper on Sundays just to see the engaged couples. I never see any black people on a consistent basis. It's really depressing and leaves me with little hope of ever marrying myself. Then, I turn on the television and see couple after couples divorcing and splitting up. It's just too much to deal with. What happened to working issues out and getting counseling. Those vows say "til death do us part." We all know, in these 'last days' we need someone to love and someone who loves us, even if it's just moral support. I can't believe we are allowing the devil to win right now. Seriously, when are we going to start back believing?

What Has My Country Done for Me?

In the field I work in, I meet many different types of people everyday. I admit, it's draining, but nevertheless, I'm thankful and blessed to have a job. I met a guy the other day and we'll just call him Keith. Keith just finalized a divorce with his wife, in which, she got everything; the house, car, and the kids. This leaves him homeless, carless, and alone. Keith was also recently laid off from his job of 13 years. He had worked in the automobile business all his life. That's all he knows and the only skill he has. He has no money and lacks higher education. This leaves him very little opportunity to do anything else. Very sad story. Then I think to myself...I did everything "society" taught me is the right thing to do in order to be successful and live a happy life. I grew up in a single parent home and we struggled. I stayed on the honor roll throughout my entire time in school. I participated in tons of extracurricular activities, volunteered countless hours to different organizations, went off to college, graduated, and struggled even more to find a decent job to support myself. When I finally did find one, I hated and was stressed out beyond measure. It also didn't pay enough for me to keep up with rent and other bills. There were nights I went to bed hungry because I couldn't afford to buy groceries. I ended up back at home. I then decided to join the military, was diagnosed with a disease that prevented me from staying and there I was jobless again. After returning from the military, I found it extremely difficult to get medical care from anyone. I was denied government assistance because I don't have any children and I am not and never was a recovering drug addict or alcoholic. So since I hadn't completely hit rock bottom, I couldn't get any assistance. Sad Story. I eventually found a good paying job and was able to pay off debt (except student loans, of course) and get back on my feet. Biggest difference between me and Keith: He's in his late 40s and I'm in my late 20s. I can't help but pose the question, what has my country done for me? This is the land of the free and the home of the brave. Yet, we have so many of our own people struggling just to survive and wondering where that next meal is going to come from. I'm sure this wasn't the meaning behind "one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all" (inspired by my good college friend Shamecqua Thomas). Looks to me like the indivisible has been divided for many years and I laugh when I hear 'liberty and justice for all'. This is freedom at what cost? So far my great path has gotten me into debt and there is no freedom in owing people; therefore, I remain a slave to Uncle Sam and to the society. Another question I pose is; is a democracy worth it? Looks like we're falling further and further behind. I just pray to God for a healing, quick! Look how far man has gotten us this far.