What Freedom Looks Like...

I am finally starting to calm down enough to really listen and take in all the things that have been going on lately.  I went through many different emotions last week, but I am inspired.  Even in my moment of inspiration, there are still some disappointments.  There are some pertinent people we still haven't heard from on the matter of black lives, police brutality, and our safety and security as a whole.  It's really interesting to me how we can spend so much time being concerned about other countries, but black people, have you all given any thought to the fact that we could end up being the next group of refugees? Just something to ponder. I am still waiting patiently for our presidential hopefuls to speak up.  They've been mighty quiet...and no, a simple tweet or Facebook post is not going to do.

"If you have a critique for the resistance, for our resistance, then you better have an established record of critique of our oppression. If you have no interest in equal rights for black people then do not make suggestions to those who do. Sit down." -Jesse Williams


I realize everyone isn't about this life and that's fine, however, don't discourage your friends or family members by trying to impose your fears unto them because you are too afraid of being left behind.  If you can't hang with the big dogs, get off the porch.  If you're just going to hang around the porch, then shut up and make yourself useful.  For those of you who still don't believe it has anything to do with race, then please explain the difference between these videos we've seen lately and the one with the white guy pretty much beating up the police in McDonald's.  Research it yourself, I am not going to post it here.  But if anyone can explain why he was handled differently, outside of the color of his skin, then perhaps I'll give another opinion some consideration.  If you, as a police officer, are afraid of black people, then perhaps you chose the wrong career field. 

Be blessed and stay safe!

Angry Black Woman!

For the second morning in a row, I have been awakened by a plethora of texts discussing police shootings.  I am over it.  I took a moment to listen to  Jesse Williams' speech from the BET Awards again and the more and more I listen to it, the stronger this little pit in my stomach gets.  There was a time when I'd feel myself getting all worked up about the police and I'd take a few moments and watch "End of Watch."  Very profound movie that really gives the viewer a peak from the other side, but again, I am over it.  How long is this going to continue?  As far as the shooting of Alton Sterling, the black man shot in Baton Rouge for those of you who don't read and like to avoid the obvious, it strikes an eerily similar feeling as the Rodney King beating.  Only this time, the man is dead.  I can only imagine what's going to come next. 

These moments make me wonder if Martin Luther King Jr, Malcom X, and even Tupac, were still alive, what would they have to say at this very moment.  America is becoming more interesting, for lack of a better term, by the day.  But realistically, until we show this same uproar and passion within our communities, they're going to continue to hunt us down and prey on us.  I want to see this same anger when we turn against our own.  We have to stand together.  Black people- GET IT TOGETHER! Now, not later. We cannot afford to wait.  Your husbands, sons, brothers, etc. are being used for targeting practice! Wtf are you doing? Taking selfies and sending eggplant pics?

To my black men, I really hope you all get it now, (check my last post).  While many of you are out here worried about jewelry, cars, and which woman you can smash and/or disrespect today, you are being killed off slowly.  You are an endangered species and if you don't get it together quickly, you are going to be extinct.  Y'all better wake the hell up! Stop being so distracted by miniscule things that don't matter.  Here is your chance to really take a stand against something.  What are you going to do?  Are you awake or still sleeping?

I'm going to go ahead and end this, but I want to leave this little gem right here:

https://youtu.be/6F4Or0pRQ3Y

Just copy and paste into your web browser and let it sink ALL the way in.

I Really Wish Men Knew Their Self-Worth

As I sit here, I am thinking about one of my best friends who is going through a tough break up.  She never thought she would fall in love like she had with him.  In her eyes, every thing was going fine until she discovered enough information to cause a life time of pain.  There was a plethora of women he had been entertaining over several months. She was and still is devastated.  It's crazy, but this happens so often that it's starting to become acceptable behavior.  Men cheat. What else is new? That's the common consensus these days but what I am having a hard time understanding isn't necessarily the act of cheating, but the reason some men think so low of themselves that they don't think they deserve to be loved- the right way by, the right woman. 

From childhood, women are taught to nurture, to keep things clean.  In a nutshell, we're taught to take care of ourselves and others.  Men, on the other hand, are taught to be tough and suppress their feelings.  So women eventually grow up to be "do it alls" and men, "know it alls."  Right now is a great time for women, especially black women.  It's really exciting to see so many women in leadership roles and standing up for what is right.  Men are becoming more and more ok with the status quo and following what society thinks men should do, including downgrading the woman's worth.  It is so disgusting to see how men treat women today, but it makes one question the real issue.  What's the real problem?

We are in a season now where women are very empowered and the men are just there loathing the sisterhood.  Why aren't we building our men up just as much?  Let me clarify, when I say build men up, I'm not talking about an ego boost (that's a way we mask our hurt, by the way).  I mean in every way, including not allowing them to get away with foolishness, letting them know they deserve better for themselves, and that they are worthy of good things in their lives.  Some of the actions of men today show they don't love themselves.  As women, we know what this looks and feels like all too well.  The constant sleeping around, impregnating multiple women, the excessive drug use, etc etc... It's really nasty when you think about.  Sliding your manhood around from woman to woman with no protection.  Why don't men think more of themselves to protect themselves and their bodies from harm?  That's a serious question.  Why do some men think that this lifestyle is okay and they don't deserve better? 

Men, you are supposed to be our leaders.  I'm sure women will be willing to follow a man who is honest in his words and backs it up with action.  But we're left to do it ourselves because men are too busy reveling in hate to stand up and do something about  it.  Not for anyone else, but for himself because he loves himself.  Men you are worthy, you are handsome, you are smart.  Start believing it.  Stand in the mirror and take a real hard look at yourself.  It's time to start stepping up.  Find out where the true issue lies and work on fixing it.  Is it a problem with your mother?  Your father? Some girl broke your heart as a teenager?  Fix it.  There is nothing wrong with getting the help you need to feel whole.  Love yourself more.  Continuing to hate the woman is not going to make you any more of a man, trust me.  You will continue to get left further and further behind in this world and frankly, we need you. 

Why I Stopped Blogging...And Why I Am Back

Wow...It has been such a long time since I've blogged.  I had a great momentum going and thoroughly enjoyed sharing a piece of me with a portion of the world.  I am anxious and excited to start back.  So many things have changed in my life since 2012.  I moved, got married, lost a job, quit a job, celebrated a milestone birthday, got healthy, got back in school (FINALLY), lost some loved ones, gained some new friends, and no, no babies yet (lets go on and get that out the way)! The real reason I stopped blogging is because I allowed someone else's opinions of my content to deter me from writing period.  I literally haven't written a thing.  Everything has been jumbled up in my brain.  Honestly, it's time to let it out before I explode.  Most people who know me personally, would probably wonder how I allowed a person to get to me like that.  I am here say even a person with the thickest of skins has a trigger.  Writing is mine (cue the line 'keep in mind I'm an artist and I'm sensitive about my shit' line from THE Erykah Badu song Tyrone).  As painful as that is to admit, it was also very humbling.  I have grown tremendously in these past years and never have I ever been so proud of who I am and what I have done in life thus far.  I am seriously so in love with me.  I am ready to continue to develop in my writing as I know this was the gift given to me.  Writing cleanses my soul and spirit.  It is literally like a release for me.  Imagine all the pressure that has been building up for these past few years.  Time to dump it all out on you guys.  So if you are interested in a southern black woman and her rants, then please join in on this journey with me.  There will be a plethora of topics and thoughts.  I have interests that stretch from ratchet guilty pleasures to things that are far beyond our mental capacity.  Roll with me.  I am back!

Who Will Protect the Men and Children?

It all started about a week ago when I received some information on how to get convictions overturned. I started thinking about all the people I know personally who need and deserve a second chance at life. I personally feel that black men have got to be more aware of the decisions that make and how it directly affects them and anyone else they want in their lives and futures. This thought led me to do a little research.

My website of choice was for the Georgia Department of Corrections (dcor.com). I decided to do a search of how many black men between the ages of 20-30 were in jail and what the crime was. I found that a majority of them were in jail for burglary, armed robbery, and other crimes that involve theft. Now personally, this angered me. My first thought was these lazy men don't want to work and earn money so they can afford to buy the things they want, instead they just take from innocent people. Though this statement is very true for some, I figured this can't be true for all. Unfortunately, I may never get to see how true that statement is. What I have realized though, is when these men finally want to get their lives together, they can't find work. We know what happens next: they result back to stealing. It's a cycle. Men, you've got to recognize this and act accordingly because the state of Georgia is NOT on your side.

Now, lets turn to the women. No, women, you are not exempt. But we pity the poor, helpless, woman don't we? Let me fill you in on this information that actually shocked me. I did another search, this time on women just in my county that were in jail. That turned up only 3 pages. That made me a little hopeful. Then I started looking at the things they were in jail for. I found murder to be quite common for the women. I then searched for all women in Georgia who were in jail for murder. This turned up about 9 pages. I wanted to know these women's stories. Let it be known that all of this stuff is public information and if you want to find something, you can (words of wisdom). To my surprise, a majority of these women who were in jail for murder, were in there for murdering their children. Yes, children. Yes, I know many of you were probably thinking husbands and boyfriends just as I did. They were at a close second, but that fact that it was children startled and disgusted me. It's also important to note that this was across all races. I admit, I never would have became interested in this subject matter if I didn't know someone who is personally going through some issues right now and him being a guy, could ultimately hurt him.

Many of the stories of women killing their children led to many questions on my end and sadly many testimonies from family members of these children all said similar things: we begged the Department of Family and Children's Services to do something, we begged them to help these people, but they never did and now this child is dead. A very sad realization. Did you all know that for a woman to be considered an unfit mother, she has to "mess up" at least 5 times? What if that "mess up" is the time that child's life ends? I can't fathom how these things happen. As hurtful or offensive as this may sound, I don't believe or condone the whole "mental issues" or "psychotic" type thing. You weren't too "crazy" to lay down and have a child were you? I realize that there are some instances where a woman is forced into having a child, but come on. The fact that this is so common really scares me. We have got to do something to protect the children and also save the rights of the dads that are really eager and able to be a part of their child's life. It isn't fair or right that a child be turned over to the mother is the mother cannot get her own life together, especially when there is proof and testimony of such. What are we really saying by doing this? It's a truth we all need to start discussing and exploring.

To the State of Georgia, I challenge you to adjust laws that are favorable towards women just because they are women and for other unfair reasons. Looks like too many have slipped through the cracks. What do you all think of this?



**NOTE: If any of you or someone you know in Georgia want to explore ways to get convictions overturned, feel free to message me or email me at brittnynj03@yahoo.com. Serious inquiries only.

They Keep Calling Because You Keep Answering

Moving on...that's a very uncomfortable topic for many people. We all know how it goes: you've been dating the same person forever and a day (or maybe even married this person), and on that day, that person decides he or she is no longer in love with you or has had a eyeful or even a tasteful of someone else and you are no longer interesting enough to hold his or her attention. Sound familiar? If not, I'll go further. That person is no longer interested in you and it shows. He's not answering your phone calls much anymore, she's distant, he's cutting the conversations short when you actually do talk, she's always busy and most importantly you're starting to "find things." That could mean all kinds of things, I'll let you all decide what that means to you. You finally wake up one day and realize that it's over, count your losses and leave (or some of you are still laying right next to that person right now, to each his own), now what? Well, you go through the grief cycle of course. The Kubler-Ross models explains it best:

• Denial Stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.
• Anger Stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.
• Bargaining Stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.
• Depression Stage: Final realization of the inevitable.
• Acceptance Stage: Finally finding the way forward.

Somehow, we get stuck somewhere between the denial stage and the bargaining stage.

A week or two goes by, maybe even a month and lo and behold, your phone rings, no need to ask who it is. We all know. What you do at this very moment is critical. So what do you do? Sadly many people take that bait and people like me, have to hear about it constantly. I'm pretty sure this has to be a pride thing. I don't understand why people already know where things are going to go, yet are shocked when they actually find out. Stop feeding into the crap. Then it becomes a habit and all of a sudden you're annoyed because they keep calling you, texting you, facebooking you, etc. Why? Because you make yourself available to them. Easy target. People make fun of easy targets. You attract craziness because in a sense, you like it.

The relationship example is only a small one. We do this in all walks of life. In our friendships, careers, decisions, addictions you name it. We must learn to avoid toxic situations. There's no better way to move on, than to separate yourself from the madness. We all know this, but the problem is letting go. When your life changes for the better, be prepared to lose relationships, friends, and maybe even some family. People move at different paces in life and we can't expect everyone to keep up with us. Some people cannot handle and frankly, are afraid of change and will always stay the same. That's why we find them in the same place, doing the same thing, dressing the same, talking the same, etc. They haven't progressed in anyway. They are comfortable and complacent. You don't have to be the same way. We've all heard the cliche quotes: "You are who you hang with", "birds of a feather flock together", "In order to get something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done," "some people and things are only here for season,". Well there's truth to them all. Change is inevitable, welcome it, don't be afraid of it. Even if it means walking away from someone you've always known and stepping out of your comfort zone. Stop reaching for the leaves and start digging for the root.

From personal experience, if you don't get the life lesson the first time around, you will continue to be tested (in the same exact way) until you get it. So the next time you hear Lauryn Hill's "Ex Factor" think of it in terms of more than a relationship and work on letting it go. What toxic things or people are holding you back?

My Heart is Heavy

I want to start by apologizing. It has been way too long since I've written. It will definitely be short and sweet, but I need to get back into the flow of writing continuously.

Today, I felt led to share with you all that is on my heart and weighing on my spirit. I woke up this morning feeling very inspired and in dire need of a good word. After listening to very inspirational messages on different YouTube channels, I came across a story about one of those pastor's and his premature and very unfortunate demise. No one knows of his true cause of death, but there's lots of speculation. Reading the comments really made me sad. Clearly this man needed help and the congregation sat and watched him sink deeper and deeper until enough was enough (to protect the church, by the way), ultimately leading to his death. Reading this story reminded me, in small ways, of another pastor who's services I've attended multiple times and who I'd grown quite fond of. It eventually came out that he was having affairs with multiple women in his congregation. Now this story didn't blow up or turn into the latest news. His wife, now ex-wife, decided to quietly leave the congregation instead of causing a scene and dramatic situation. I think it's important to mention before I go any further that you have to be very careful of who you let lead you. I have said it once (in my last post back in November) and I will say it again. I also think it is important to remember, that these are people too. They are of the WORLD. They were simply gifted enough to be able to share and speak the word of God to us. We shouldn't expect perfection and we should also help when he is down. I think it's safe to say that the church is a major industry and is a business just as the music and entertainment business. Especially when we get into the mega million dollar entities. Where is the correlation between the two? Well money, power, sex and drugs all go hand in hand. They are all powerful and they all can become addictions.

In my opinion many of us on this earth are currently suffering. There are some demons we are dealing with and they are holding us back from reaching our very best potential. It is something we are not sharing with others, something that is a constant struggle in our day to day lives. If you are having trouble figuring yours out, I will throw some things out there and maybe it'll peak your senses: sex addiction or lack of self control when it comes to sex, a problem with drugs, a problem with food, habitual lying, dysfunctional relationship with money (that's mine), dysfunctional relationship with family, loneliness, misguided and lost, not afraid to die but scared to live, and an on-going hatred of self and I will include major insecurities in this category. I could go on and on, but I will be bold enough to say this is fact and if you don't believe it, then you are in denial. The purpose of all of this is to pose these questions: Why do we not seek help in our times of need? When I say help, I don't mean from friends and family, but I mean professional help. Why do we wait until we've hit rock bottom to get on our knees and pray? Why do we keep so many secrets? Why do we sometimes die and people didn't even know a problem existed? Why do try and take shortcuts instead of going though the whole journey when we actually do step out and seek help? I would say the two reasons would be pride and denial. Going back to the two examples used in the beginning, trying to save face will always lead to destruction.

It takes a big person to admit that he or she has a problem and an even bigger person to seek professional help. I can truly respect a person for caring enough about him or herself to want to make themselves better. That is something to be proud of. That is the first step, but we, as supporters, are supposed to be there to uplift the other, putting our own selfish needs to the side to help them, to encourage them, to be that listening ear and shoulder. Yes, sometimes we have to put ourselves to the side for someone else. It's ok, our world won't end. In fact, we may learn something about ourselves along the way. I hope that this inspires someone today. I can't fathom another story of one of my people spiraling out of control and ultimately dying because they are too weak to do it alone. Don't ever think it can't or won't happen to you.