Let's Talk God: Religious or Spiritual

Let me start by apologizing for the delay. There have been so many changes going on in my life, some good and some not so great, but I am definitely grateful for all the things going on and I can only hope that God sees fit to continue to bless me. I've been wanting to write about this topic for a long time, but wasn't quite sure where to start. I have a feeling this is really going to step on some toes and probably offend some, but this is what my truth is. I encourage everyone to find their own truth and not follow the truths of their friends and family.
I have been attending the same church as far back as I can remember. I grew up there, was baptized there and continue to go there even into my adult years. It is a Baptist church, with traditional Baptist values and has had the exact same program and routine since I was a child. Sunday School every Sunday, early morning service the 2nd and 4th Sunday and Bible study throughout the week. I have to chuckle a bit about that because I have to be the most anti-routine person there is. There, it almost seems as if people my age don't have a voice or an opportunity to get involved in anything in the church because the older people are in charge of everything. That's the way it's always been, so that's the way it will continue to be. It's their way or no way at all. Lets just face it, our beliefs and practices are passed down from generation to generation. A lot of us aren't open to learning anything new or at least researching our own faith to see where these beliefs come from. The older I got and especially after I entered college, I was yearning for information, knowledge, and just something different. I started questioning many things and yes, my Baptist upbringing was one of them.

One of the major questions I had and still have, is why are there so many different denominations if we all, in the Christian faith, are supposed to be serving the same God? I eventually got somewhat of an answer about this, but I'll let everyone else research that one themselves. I also questioned the ways that seems to be so prominent in the Christian faith. I'm a upstanding Christian today and I'm cursing somebody out the next. It's just crazy and all the gibberish eventually took a toll on me and the strength of my Baptist roots. In college I started attending a non denominational church that I absolutely loved. It was lively, upbeat, and really appealed to my age group, which at the time was probably from 18-25. I thoroughly enjoyed the singing and the sermons; however, the gossip and the mess that was going on in the church, eventually became to much to bear. It was ridiculous. I spent a lot of time feeling like I didn't have a "religious home." It didn't take me long to realize that I'm not a religious person. I'm just way to inquisitive to follow suit of what everyone is doing for the sake of doing it.

I set out on a journey to learn everything I could about the history of the Christian faith and the roots of the traditions. I started reading the Bible (New International Version) everyday, starting from Genesis. Keeping a dictionary handy so I could get the full meaning of the words. I was so amazed at some of the things it said. Bible verses I had heard millions of times, that had been interpreted by hundreds of different people, all of a sudden had different meaning to me. It was almost as if God led me to do this from the beginning. We tend to pick out verses that stand out, but those verses have different meaning when you take the time to read the entire book. In simpler terms; why trust someone else's interpretation of the Word, without first reading it yourself. Don't let people lead you to hell, even pastors. Keep in mind these people are just human. I've seen these same "church going folk", as I like to call them, have abortions, cheat on their spouses, take your last dime, and spread hate. Be carfeul who you let lead you religiously.

I have learned to find and build my own relationship with God. I worship Him in ways that make me feel comfortable and not by how others say I should do it. I can have a whole church service right here in my house. At this point in my life, the bond is so tight, the devil himself can't break it, and neither can any of you. I am so secure in my faith and spirituality. I don't have to question anything and I'm not in a constant battle with myself over the choices that I make. God is not going to strike me down for making a wrong decision. So it's safe to say that you aren't going to find me at church everyday of the week, sorry, that's just not me. If that's you, by all means, continue to do what makes you happy. Just please make sure that it's for the right reasons. God is in your heart. Going to church everyday and joining every ministry in the church, is still not going to satisfy you if He isn't in your heart.

I want to end this with a word of advice for my "church-going folk." There is nothing wrong with this nor am I trying to belittle or make fun of you. That is not my intent. I do have a friend who is overboard with it and finds herself struggling with it every day, so it makes it comical to me a little bit, but it's not meant to to poke fun. We all know the verse "Faith without works is dead" -James 2:17. It's been said many, many times. But let me give you a little bit of my interpretation of this verse. It's one thing to have faith and stand firm in your beliefs, but if you do nothing, you can expect nothing to happen. True blessings come through mainly doing good deeds for others. There are many who are sitting aroung waiting for God to save them, to send them a man, and to give them peace. Praying endlessly for a way out. Sorry to inform you, you will be waiting forever. My question to you is what are you doing to save yourself? Going to church everyday, joining every ministry, declaring yourself pure, is not enough. What is the last good deed you did for someone else other than yourself for no reason at all? This is the perfect time people.

Money Talks, Wealth Whispers

There's something to be said about the fact that the gap between the wealthy and the poor is getting larger by the day. Even larger is the gap between the wealth in the black community and the wealth in the white communities. I read an article in Essence magazine a few months ago and the statistics were "in 2009, the median net worth of Black households was $2,200, compared with a median net worth of $97,900 for White households. In 2001, the median net worth for a Black household was $12,500, and $124,600 for a white ones," (Lynnette Khalfani-Cox, 86).  I thought this was insane, but I think I understand why this is so.
Many of us grew up in homes with a lack of wealth. Where our parents had to work extremely hard for the money they brought in. This taught us the value of work ethic and the importance of learning how to earn, but I know with me, I always assumed we all would have to work hard for the rest of our lives just to live comfortably enough to barely make it. I didn't see the point. A lot of our parents also made the mistake of looking at credit as "free money", not really realizing that by charging things you truly can't afford, you actually end up paying more for it. Honestly, a lot of them were and still are in a financial disaster and unfortunately, a lot of us have inherited this same mentality from our parents and are already instilling these same issues into our children. It's generational; instead of inheriting family businesses, property, and other assets, we're inheriting financial struggle, debt, and ruin. Sadly, this is an issue that has been negatively affecting our communities for decades and now with this recession, it's even worse. Not to mention, it's breaking up our homes and marriages.
I didn't really start connecting the pieces until I took my first finance class in college. Yes, college, which I believe is too late to start learning about wealth. After that class I literally wanted to call everyone I knew and share with them what I had learned in that class. She taught us all about how the value of money will decline and how important it is to save. She broke down how much needed to be saved in order to retire a millionaire, by how much we had saved already, which, for most of the black people in the class, was slim to none. She also expressed the importance of knowing where your money is going, which created a monster in me. People still laugh at me about how adamant I am about balancing my checkbook. When it comes to money, I don't play, in which I wish more of my people would develop that same mindset. I write down every single purchase I make and I save receipts. I don't care about the laughs because ultimately, this is something I take very seriously and I refuse to keep the cycle going. Just think about it like this; the only way to truly get blessings and feel pure accomplishment and significance is to be able to give back. I love giving back and it honestly makes me happy and makes me feel at peace. How can I be able to create blessings for myself if I am broke? I'm not the "gold digging" type. I've always provided my own, so I must maintain this level of independence. We are responsible for our own come up.
The first thing I think is important to know is the difference between having money and being wealthy. Mrs. Amy DuBois Barnett put it perfectly by saying, "we seek the instant gratification of money when we should be seeking wealth and it's long term benefits. Money is the diamond-encrusted watch flashing on the wrist of someone who rents his home, leases her fresh-off-the-line car, and has no savings. Wealth is the ability to contribute to your retirement fund, own a home with monthly payments you can afford, donate to charity and send your kids to the best schools possible to ensure their future success. Money is fun-but wealth is forever." I couldn't have put this better and after reading it, I smiled. This is the path I look to take and I am beginning today! Being that I am in my mid 20s, there is still time for me to correct past wrongs and secure a bright financial future for myself. My advice to others would be to first, get steady income and invest in a good business suit. I know the job market is slim, but you can't do anything by sitting on your butt, apply, apply, apply and make sure you look the part (you must dress like the position you want, you want to be a boss, dress like one and carry yourself accordingly). I also encourage picking up a new hobby. Focus on what you're good at and work on perfecting your craft. You may be able to use this to your advantage and create a profit. Next, clear up debt or at least make steady payments on it. Pay as much as you can, no matter how small of the amount. At least this will show that you are trying to get back on the correct path financially. Next, save save save or what I like to call paying myself first! At least a little bit a month. I choose a larger amount twice a month. Do what you can afford to do.
Lastly, invest! I am taking the steps now to learn how to invest because I am clueless about it all. I want my money to make me money and in turn create wealth for myself. I promise you this, me and my family will NOT struggle. I am taking the aggressive approach and once again I encourage all of my peers to join me in this way of thinking.
I want to end this with some encouragement and hopefully this lights the fire in you. When I was around 19 or 20, I started to think about where I wanted to end up permanently; where I wanted to start a family and raise my children. Then, I came up with the Washington, DC area (not necessarily the city itself). Why, I don't know. Just seemed like a nice place to live. I had been there before as a child and that was the only trip from my childhood that I remember vividly, even over Disney World. Now, this is something I've never really shared with anyone: the DC, Maryland, Virginia area makes up a high percentage of predominantly black neighborhoods who account for a good percentage of wealth. There are 8 cities in Maryland that all rank high for the wealthiest African Americans. What does this have to do with anything? I want to obtain wealth; therefore, I see it fit to surround myself with people who want the same thing. I want to learn their habits, their mannerisms, their ways of thinking. We can't expect to be great, if we don't surround ourselves with greatness. I want these things to manifest in me and in turn, build me up. Thanks for reading and DC, I'll be back soon!

Dress for Success!

"Life is long, you probably won't get hit by a bus, and you have to live with the decisions you make for the next 50 years"

This line came from Chris Rock in the super funny movie, "I Think I love My Wife," and this line keeps replaying in my head over and over again. I'm currently sitting at my desk at work bored out of my mind. I'm bored with this job and with life in general. I keep thinking, life can't possibly be about getting up every day, going to work just to pay the bills, and waking up the next morning just to do the same thing over again. Frankly, this is insanity. I can't imagine my days going like this every day for the next 40 years. Are you kidding me?. I'm also reminded of a quote from Tyrese; "If you don't follow your dreams, you're going to be waking up every morning at 6AM going to work for someone who did." The last few weeks I've been in seclusion. Just trying to concoct an escape plan. My mom thinks I;m crazy, but one thing I have learned from all this is money cannot buy you happiness or piece of mind. I know broke won't but you anything, but money isn't enough of a motivator for me anymore. In fact, I find myself buying things just to justify the fact that I wake up to go work for someone else who couldn't care any less if I lived or died. My latest piece of retail therapy; a diamond ring. Why? Just because. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do as far as mentoring and helping people get into school and change their lives. I wear a ton of different hats and truthfully, I love the feeling. But, I have a bigger vision on a larger scale, that doesn't confine me within four walls, telling me what to wear, and how long I get to be here today. My joy and happiness truly comes from helping people and giving back to my community; therefore, I will use my gifts to change lives. I constantly remind my mom of the difference between her generation and ours. Our parents, no matter what, would stay in an unhappy job, marriage, friendship, etc, for however long they needed to be. In my opinion, life shouldn't have to be this way and I'm sure this isn't what God intended for His children. We, on the other hand, are a lot more impulsive and fearless. We will leave before it even starts and that's what I admire about being young these days. It's just we have to master how to use this energy in a positive way. Going back to the infamous title, life really is long. We are living to be in the 100s. It's a lot more common these days than years earlier. The odds of having a freak accident are slim to none and the choices we make today directly affect where we end up in the future. Unfourtunately, it's too late for a lot of people. Today, I am making the conscious effort and decision to plan better for my future and follow my dreams. I encourage all readers to do the same. We get one chance at life, may as well enjoy while we are here. The first step in setting yourself free is becoming financially secure and stable. I'll speak on this more in depth later. Thanks for reading and make that step towards your future today.

Did You Care About Cancer Before Your Mother Got It?

I couldn't find a more perfect time to write this. Breast cancer awareness month and also in the midst of a time where my ex-boyfriend is receiving his kidney transplant after a seven year battle with a kidney disease and dialysis. This post is more so to make a point. The main thing I want everyone to get out of this is the fact that we should pray at all times, even when things are going well, instead of in times of dire need. Going back to the recent execution of Troy Davis, which was my inspiration for this post, I feel this needs to be addressed. There were people constantly saying "oh you're jumping on a bandwagon" and "how many of you all knew about Troy Davis before this trial became popular in recent months?" I guess this was said to prove someone else's comments as irrelevant, I'm not sure. This led me to pose the question of how many of you cared about cancer before someone you knew fell victim to it? Be careful what you say and make sure your motive and intentions are out of love and not maliciousness. Having known many people throughout my life who have fallen victim to various life threatening diseases and life altering injustices, I have a very strong opinion about all of these matters. Nothing gets under my skin more than people flapping their gums about how other people should feel. Newsflash: the only approval anyone should be trying to get is from God because ultimately, He's the one who is really paying attention to your thoughts and actions. And frankly, He's all anyone needs to try and please. We need to learn to be grateful and appreciate the lives we have now. Be thankful for the laughs, fun times, and the blessings you've been given. At any moment they all can be taken away. Today, take time out to empathize with someone who may be suffering, lend a helping hand, and offer some sound advice. We should all strive to show love and support to the people you love regardless of if you feel they need it or not. Tell someone you love them today, you could lose them tomorrow. Besides, you never know when your time may be coming.

The Devil is Busy Rant

As I sit back and watch all the things happening around me I can't help but shake my head. The violence is outrageous, the lack of goals and dreams is on the decline, and the saddest thing of it all is the rate in which our marriages and families are being torn apart. It's funny because a coworker of mine said just last week that "the greatest libido of them all is financial stability." He couldn't have been more right. God said the greatest of all is love and now that's the least of our worries. It's sad to know that a lot of us are so weak, timid, and afraid that we're allowing the devil to take over our own lives: the ones WE have to live and work hard at keeping. This wasn't what God envisioned for us, but he already knew we'd be disobedient and this, in turn, would lead to our demise. I always think to myself, we could be right at the pearly gates of Heaven and God, himself, can tell us the truth and the blueprint of how to get to where we need to be in life and people would still choose to do the opposite. I can't understand this for the life of me, but then, it's really not for me to understand. Lets take a look at the violence. I don't know what else to feel but pity on these poor, young people who have nothing better to do with their own lives, but to take someone else's. That has to be one difficult way to live. They never had anyone to instill in them the value of having goals, dreams, and most importantly getting away from where they are from and visiting other places and learning about other cultures. Their parents are even more lost than they are and unfortunately we have to deal with the consequences of their wayward children. I'd like to see more parents take responsibility for their children. I say we lock them up too and send their kids off to Iraq and Afghanistan. They can go out there and shoot all they want to. Maybe I'm being harsh, I don't know, but this legal system  is jacked up and we all know it. A crack dealer can spend more time in jail than a murderer. It's crazy. Then, on the devil's advocate side I see the man who has a wife and children, gets laid off, and can no longer provide for his family. I couldn't imagine how less of a man that would make him feel. What is he supposed to do to feed his family? (Because we know the government isn't going to help him). I pray to God that He provides the answers, but honestly, I think He's about ready to scratch this whole plan. The devil has clearly taken over and in a sense, he controls the minds of many right now. The good are outnumbered by the evil. Lastly, I want to touch on marriages, particularly black ones, or lack there of. I look in the newspaper on Sundays just to see the engaged couples. I never see any black people on a consistent basis. It's really depressing and leaves me with little hope of ever marrying myself. Then, I turn on the television and see couple after couples divorcing and splitting up. It's just too much to deal with. What happened to working issues out and getting counseling. Those vows say "til death do us part." We all know, in these 'last days' we need someone to love and someone who loves us, even if it's just moral support. I can't believe we are allowing the devil to win right now. Seriously, when are we going to start back believing?

What Has My Country Done for Me?

In the field I work in, I meet many different types of people everyday. I admit, it's draining, but nevertheless, I'm thankful and blessed to have a job. I met a guy the other day and we'll just call him Keith. Keith just finalized a divorce with his wife, in which, she got everything; the house, car, and the kids. This leaves him homeless, carless, and alone. Keith was also recently laid off from his job of 13 years. He had worked in the automobile business all his life. That's all he knows and the only skill he has. He has no money and lacks higher education. This leaves him very little opportunity to do anything else. Very sad story. Then I think to myself...I did everything "society" taught me is the right thing to do in order to be successful and live a happy life. I grew up in a single parent home and we struggled. I stayed on the honor roll throughout my entire time in school. I participated in tons of extracurricular activities, volunteered countless hours to different organizations, went off to college, graduated, and struggled even more to find a decent job to support myself. When I finally did find one, I hated and was stressed out beyond measure. It also didn't pay enough for me to keep up with rent and other bills. There were nights I went to bed hungry because I couldn't afford to buy groceries. I ended up back at home. I then decided to join the military, was diagnosed with a disease that prevented me from staying and there I was jobless again. After returning from the military, I found it extremely difficult to get medical care from anyone. I was denied government assistance because I don't have any children and I am not and never was a recovering drug addict or alcoholic. So since I hadn't completely hit rock bottom, I couldn't get any assistance. Sad Story. I eventually found a good paying job and was able to pay off debt (except student loans, of course) and get back on my feet. Biggest difference between me and Keith: He's in his late 40s and I'm in my late 20s. I can't help but pose the question, what has my country done for me? This is the land of the free and the home of the brave. Yet, we have so many of our own people struggling just to survive and wondering where that next meal is going to come from. I'm sure this wasn't the meaning behind "one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all" (inspired by my good college friend Shamecqua Thomas). Looks to me like the indivisible has been divided for many years and I laugh when I hear 'liberty and justice for all'. This is freedom at what cost? So far my great path has gotten me into debt and there is no freedom in owing people; therefore, I remain a slave to Uncle Sam and to the society. Another question I pose is; is a democracy worth it? Looks like we're falling further and further behind. I just pray to God for a healing, quick! Look how far man has gotten us this far.

Who Am I and Why Am I Here?

I am an African-American female
Standing proud and strong.
I am a leader
Keeping control of all.
I am a goddess of love
Encouraging everyone to be peaceful and serene.
I am a child of God
Giving Him all praise.
I am queen of the universe,
Demanding power and respect.
I am a lady
In search of my knight.
I am a diamond
Precious and pure.
At the end of the day
I take a look in the mirror
And see the reflection of
who I really am.


I wrote this poem when I was 15 years old.  Hard to believe that was many years ago. I'm looking through the literary magazine in which it is published, (the Salmagundi, in which I was editor) thinking...my writing has definitely come a long way. I have matured so much and I now have many stories to tell and a voice that needs to be heard. I aspire to be so many things and as an adult, I never thought I could dream so big. With every dream, goal, and aspiration, it all falls back on my love for writing. It is my passion and my first love. So here it is, my opportunity to shine through words. Why wouldn't I do what I love so much? For the first time ever, I'm allowing myself to be transparent and candid. I'm glad to welcome all of you on my journey and I hope something I say blesses, inspires, or empowers you. You may not agree with everything I will have to say, but I welcome the challenges. I'm going to try and be as consistent as possible with this and stay true to myself. It's been a long time coming and I'm ready! .......*exhaling*